Postpartum: Month 1

I'm a few days past one month postpartum...

....down 22 lbs (gained 38 total)

....scar looks good (still a little glue on there!)

....my pants still don't fit (some pants from a friend fit--but I can't zip or button them....so I had to buy a new pair so that I could at LEAST zip them)

.....quite a few of my shirts don't fit

.....I'm still sore

.....still getting crazy pains in random spots (Chad calls them phantom pains)

.....getting more sleep MOST nights

.....I'm not crying as much!

....my anxiety has peaked and is slowly going back down (most days)

.....my contacts are still bothering me

.....ready to be leave the house! (Today was SO nice outside! Almost 50 out! I would have LOVED to take P for a walk around the neighborhood but I'm not cleared to lift his seat yet...and the stroller is in the back of the car--and is heavier than the seat...and I probably wouldn't have made it all the way around the small island lol)

 February:1 month along!.....October 14:due date!.....November: 1 month after!

I'm still not down to my pre pregnancy weight, which is fine.....

I'm still not back to my pre pregnancy shape, which is sorta okay......

Soon enough I'll be at a weight and shape that I'm happiest with (which isn't anything that I started with.....if you're wondering!).

Christmas is in the air!

Ahhh.. can you smell it?? 

 I can't either, but only because I don't have those awesome scented pine cones...... yet.

Chad's parents ventured up this weekend to visit with Parker and us. 

We had a small to-do list while they were here:
Rearrange living room so that the Christmas tree could be in the window
Take down Halloween decor
Put up Christmas lights
Take a generation photo

Halloween decor was taken down and put away on Saturday morning.....

The living room was rearranged Saturday afternoon....

Chad and his dad put up Christmas lights on Saturday evening and they look superb!  Last year Chad wasn't able to decorate for Christmas because we were still in the FEMA trailer/moving into the house SLOWLY.  We did put the tree up, but didn't decorate it.  I'm super excited for Friday night when we can decorate the inside of the house for Christmas!

Also on the to-do list was to remember to get a picture of Chad, his dad, and Parker.....3 generations of Hoff boys. 

Mission accomplished:

Hope you all had a great weekend!

{one month}

Happy one month birthday to Parker-man!

He turned one month old today! 

This first month has been quite the ride. 

He has changed SO much in the last month it has been crazy!  

His reflux is horrible but is getting better now that he has a higher dose of Zantac and different pocket book breaking formula. 

HE:

 grew out of newborn clothes (mainly his feet are just too big!) quickly....

has been sleeping good at night.....

 still screams for a good portion of the day...but it's getting better.....

 eats A LOT........

LOVES to listen to Chad's nebulizer (a quick calm down method we've been taking advantage of)....

enjoys listening to Maroon 5 and Michael Buble 

(another quick calm down method...trust me country was not a good choice and he really didn't care for Adelle either!!!!)

enjoys staring at the blob on the ceiling (the ceiling fan).......

loves to bounce and sway (another calm down).......

has started to track objects with his eyes......

is good at multitasking (who knew pooping and eating would go so well together)....

is a terribly sweaty baby!  

..............................................................................

Now, there are some things that we were never told.....like:

some babies molt (dry, cracking skin for a few weeks after birth)...... 

finding the right formula is tough!

babies don't always eat, sleep, and poop 

(some scream their heads off all day long AND eat, poop and sleep if you're lucky)

(((it's getting better I swear....people think we lie about his fussiness because he's an angel when they visit....HA! As soon as they leave he's fuss pants again)))

.................................................................................

Some things that we I couldn't have lived without his first month:

aden + anais swaddle blankets (they are so light and HUGE).......

SnugaBunny rock-n-play (awesome for our reflux man)........

White noise machine......

Tommee Tippee sensitive tummy bottles (seriously reduced the amount of spit up and gas issues he was having)......

Boon Grass Lawn drying rack (the bottles have SO many parts--the lawn is perfect place to dry them so they don't get lost)

Desitin (clears his diaper butt quickly) and Vaseline.......

..........................................................................

We've been working through it all, learning as we go.  The advice given to us works for some and not others.  It's all trial and error and we are slowly figuring some things out that work for now.  

We love the little peanut even though we can't figure him out sometimes most of the time.

Breastfeeding

I've been blogging about my pregnancy from start to finish...so why not continue into parenthood?  My experiences could hit home with someone, you never know....and I like jotting the memories down for myself.

         I made the decision (which Chad supported) to try and breastfeed after May.  I watched the amazing miracles that it worked on our niece, Lizzie, and knew it was what I wanted for this little guy. 

        I was given the heads up that it was going to be challenging, draining, etc.  I went in with the mentality that I was going to do everything I could to make it work, and if it didn't work out, no big deal we will just feed him formula. 

       Maybe it was because of the traumatic entrance Parker made or being away from him for a few hours after birth or maybe it just wasn't meant to be, but I gave it one heck of an attempt and I know that I didn't fail at it....but it sure feels like it.

      I had a couple of lactation consultants helping me along with the nursery nurses each day that we were in the hospital.  Parker just did not want to latch (he had a great opening, etc...just wouldn't do it).  He would arch his back and push away and SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM!!!  I was patient.  I was determined. I wanted this to work!

       He finally latched for a few minutes at a time but would pull off right away.  The first time he latched it was an amazing, empowering, bonding feeling even if it was only for one minute.  To look down and see this little guys face and know that I was giving him the nutrients he needed was just amazing.  There are no words to describe the bond that we were creating....it's a bond that I have learned you will never understand unless you are able to experience it first hand. 

       I think it was Saturday night, but we had a new lactation consultant come in and work with us.  She (and the nursery nurse and myself...yep  it took 3 people) was able to help me get Parker to latch for 45 minutes!  Success! I will NEVER forget the experience.  The picture of his face when he was fully satisfied and full, he unlatched and looked so peaceful and content....that will forever be engrained in my brain. 

       After trying a shield, different positions, supplementing formula with a dropper, etc Parker still was not latching for more than a few minutes at a time.  To get to those few minutes we went through MANY minutes (usually 20+ each time) of screaming, pushing, and back arching.  He is a strong little guy!!  It broke my heart to see him fight like that.  The last latch we ever got was Sunday night when we came home from the hospital...and it was for about 6 minutes.  Yes, I do remember the times and lengths because it was such an amazing experience when he did latch.  I continued to try to get him to latch and he just wouldn't do it.  I emotionally could not handle it anymore.  Did I "give up" early on trying to get him to latch...probably.  But I was mentally unable to handle fighting him every feeding.  If I was mentally struggling, he was feeling that too, and then neither of us were going to be okay.

       Now, at the beginning I went in with the mentality that if it works it works, if not we'll just formula feed, no big deal.  HA! Let me tell you!  That first latch changed my WHOLE mentality.  I was heartbroken, mad at myself, disappointed, frustrated, depressed, you name it.  I did not think that it would be that hard to stop...honestly.

      So, the decision to exclusively pump was made.  If he won't latch then I'll get him what he needs through pumping.  Now, I was warned that this would be tough also.  I should have known.  Getting up every few hours and locking myself away from the world to pump...even when Parker was sleeping...was tough.  It was mentally/emotionally exhausting.  I would get anxious if I knew he would be waking up soon to eat and I still hadn't pumped enough for one bottle...okay fine, we'll just supplement with some formula until I can get my supply to be bigger.  He started wanting more and more frequently.  I couldn't keep up and my anxiety/depression about not being able to breastfeed him or pump enough for a feeding was affecting my supply and I was breaking down.  I called and spoke with a LC a few times the first couple weeks at home and they offered me great advice and were so supportive. 

       After a clogged duct and a bout of mastitis (or what we thought was mastitis) and allergic reaction to the medicine for that, I had to make the hard decision to keep me (mentally) healthy and able to take care of Parker I had to quit pumping.  I wasn't producing enough for even half a bottle from a double pump session and he was almost exclusively on formula by now. 

       You may be thinking "Really? He is less than a month old. You gave up too soon."  Trust me, I feel like this every day.  My sister-in-law told me I would have the "what if I would have kept going" feeling and I do.  Would be be latching better by now?  Would I still be mentally exhausted and having to fight with him at each feeding?  Would I be happy? Would he be getting enough to eat?  

       I spoke with one of the LC at the hospital one last time to ask how to wean myself off of pumping in hopes to avoid mastitis (HA!) and she did question why I was quitting so early on.  After bawling to her on the phone and explaining what was going on she did agree with me that it was best.  She talked me through how to wean and offered some amazing words of encouragement to me.

      This is a hard thing for me to admit and I wasn't able to talk about it without crying hysterically for quite awhile.  Today I can talk about it and only a few tears roll down my cheeks.  I'm still upset about it not working out and my decision to quit but I have to remind myself daily that it was what was best for Parker AND for myself.  

      Chad has been supportive of all of the decisions that were made regarding this.  He has been a great help and lets me cry on his shoulder when I need to.  I still have moments that I break down about it, but each day is getting a little better.

      There is nothing wrong with formula feeding and it lets Chad help out (even if he isn't comfortable feeding Parker just yet...but those of you who really know Chad know that he doesn't like it when ANY kiddo eats).  I'm still bonding with Parker when I feed him with a bottle and my favorite thing now is when he holds onto my fingers while he is eating.  He will grab on and look me in the eyes and it just melts my heart.  

At the end of the day, I know I made the right choice for Parker and I.  

Start to Finish

The whole shebang!

Start to finish... 

February to October.....

The next chapter has begun!

Welcome Parker: Birth Story

Throughout my whole pregnancy I'm pretty sure I experienced a good portion of symptoms and experiences....  

Morning sickness FOREVER....

joint pain...

heartburn....

Pre-term labor TWICE......

many trips to Labor and Delivery....

contractions for weeks.....

You name it I probably experienced it.

Was it worth the 40.4 weeks? 

Yep.

         Mister Parker was quite the active little guy in my stomach.  Being as small as I was to begin with, my stomach was stretched to the max allowing us to watch him move and groove for weeks!  Some are only able to feel these movements and we were lucky enough to be able to watch them day in and day out (even though they were pretty painful at times).  

         He was head down for weeks and I was stuck dilated to a 1 for weeks.  His favorite thing the last few weeks was to headbutt me...because of this he had quite the big bruise on his forehead...poor guy.  Those headbutts were probably the most painful thing I experienced my whole pregnancy.  I had been having contractions (some braxton hicks, some real deal) for weeks and wasn't progressing.  The headbutts hurt worse than the contractions though.

         At my 39 week appointment I was so uncomfortable we decided to schedule an induction for the following week if he hadn't arrived yet.  So the date was set for October 18, 2012.  We had to be there by 8 a.m. and were told to prepare for a LONG day.  He had been served his eviction notice!  My doctor talked with us about what to expect upon arrival and gave us a an idea about how our day would go.

         The night before Camille and I were talking and the idea of a birth photographer was brought up.  Sure, why not?!  So, Camille made the trek up here, leaving home around 4 a.m. to make it on time!  Chad's mom rode the bus up on Wednesday as well so she could be in town too.

         The morning of we woke up and got ready to start the new chapter in our lives.  My bags had been packed for weeks (thanks to pre-term labor twice) so we just had to eat and get ready for our day.  We arrived at the hospital a little before 8 (so we could get a parking spot and not be in the 2 hour parking) and headed up to Labor and Delivery.  Chad got me settled into our room (room 5--we hadn't been in this one yet) and headed down to move the car to a non-ER parking spot.  We had a few different nurses as schedules were getting switched around so we could have someone we really wanted to be a part of our day.  

         By now it's well after 8.  We got paperwork started and my doctor came in and checked me and low and behold I finally hit 2 centimeters!  Great! This meant she would be breaking my water before starting the pitocin.  Was I ready for this?? NOPE!  I came in fully expecting to be at a 1 still and having to labor on the pitocin for a few hours before this. Cue anxiety attack!   She broke my water and got as much out as possible...all while I'm still working on paperwork with the nurse.  Camille was on her way in hopes to capture our day!

         This is where the day got a little hairy.  I jumped from 2 centimeters to 5 centimeters to 7 centimeters within minutes.  Parkers heart rate dropped off the monitor so three different internal monitors were attempted with no success.  I was told to change positions and get on all fours....still nothing.  Nurses rushed in and cords got pulled and thrown on the bed and a blanket got thrown on me and I was quickly getting wheeled down to the emergency C-section room on the Labor floor.  My doctor was explaining quickly to me what was going to happen.  I didn't even get to see Chad one last time.  I remember looking back over my shoulder (because I'm on all fours on the bed) and seeing Chad as the doors closed behind us.  

           In the emergency OR room I moved to the OR bed and was told to take a shot of some sour grape stuff that would help with the acid in my stomach because I was probably going to be put under.  After the shot though Parker's heart rate came back up to 120 for a little bit allowing me to get a quick shot in the back so that I could be awake.  There were tons of nurses in the room and I'm forever thankful for one named Brad.  He sat with me on the edge of the bed one arm wrapped tightly around me and the other holding my hands.  He explained everything to me before it was going to happen and helped me to stay calm.   The nurses helped me lay down on the table and within a few minutes the surgery started.  

          The nurse that was at my head the whole time asked me if the gentleman in the gray shirt at the window was my husband and I said "probably" because my glasses were taken from me at some point so I was unable to see clearly.  See, the emergency OR is small...with all the nurses and equipment there isn't much room.  Chad had to stand in an adjoining room and watch the whole thing from a little window.  I waved at him when they said he was at the window and saw his blurry hand wave back.  

          Parker was out within 2 minutes and a team of nurses took him to where Chad was.  When the doctor cut into me he got a nice little cut on his nose because he was face up!  as soon as she  got to him one of his hands stuck straight up!  The doctor said "Holy cow! It's a boy and he's a big guy!"  We figured he would be between 6-7 pounds...not almost 8!  While I was getting sewn up they brought him in for me to see briefly then took him back to Chad and they all headed to the nursery to finish cleaning him up and checking him out.  He scored great on his apgar and seemed pretty healthy.

           The doctor finished up with me and I got shifted over to a hospital bed.  The weirdest thing ever is to not be able to feel anything below your breasts....serious.  On the way to recovery (which was downstairs next to the normal OR) they stopped me at the nursery where I FINALLY got to see Chad and they brought Parker out for me to hold quickly (which I was super excited about).  The first thing I noticed were his fingernails...they were so long!  I was able to hold him and cuddle him for about 2 minutes and then had to give him back so that I could get down to recovery.  

          I spent almost 3 hours in recovery.  I had the shakes terrible.  They would push on my stomach to get my uterus to start contracting down, then poke my side to see if the shot was wearing off yet, and then ask me to wiggle my legs or feet (which I thought was hilarious! I would attempt and then say "Did they move? Because I can't feel it.").  Finally once I could feel my recovery nurse poking near my hip I was able to go upstairs.  

          They got me into my post-partum room and transfered to a new bed and then Chad, Parker, Chad's mom, and Camille (our birth photographer) were able to come in.  I was finally able to hold Parker sitting up!  He didn't have a name yet though....because we came to the hospital with a short list....and since I hadn't seen Chad for more than 2 minutes since Parker was born we weren't able to name him!  So, after a few pictures and visiting with them, Chad's mom and Camille left for lunch so we could get this little guy his name!! 

Parker James entered the world on October 18, 2012 at 9:10 a.m. weighing 

7 lbs 14 oz,  and was 20 inches long.

           We are so thankful that things turned out great in the end.  Chad had called my Dad and his mom to let them know that Parker was here after I went down to recovery and he had some time with Parker.  Apparently they didn't believe him...because we hadn't even been at the hospital for a full hour!! 

           I spent until Sunday in the hospital trying to get my pain levels somewhat under control.  Chad and I had talked prior and decided that he would go home to sleep at night if I felt okay (thinking I would be having a vaginal delivery) but he ended up staying every night with me because I needed so much help and HATED asking the nurses for it.  

          We had some great nurses and Parker had some awesome nurses too.  The lactation consultants were SO helpful and encouraging with every question I had and helping to get Parker to latch (even though we aren't able to continue breastfeeding and have switched to formula).  

          Overall pregnancy didn't agree with my body, but we sure got a handsome little guy out of the deal.  Will we be doing it again?  As of right now, maybe not.  It really was a rough 9-10 months and the delivery was quite the traumatic experience.  If in a few years we decide to expand again, we will be planning a C-section to avoid the excitement...and ease my mind. 

Introducing.....

Mister Parker James

Entered the world on Thursday, October 18, 2012 at 9:10 a.m.

Weighing in at 7lbs 14 oz

Stretching out to 20 in long
  
 (P is 2 weeks old today!) 

Here are a few pictures from our short time together so far!

(It's tough being one day old!)

 

(I'm ready to go home!)

(First Steelers game day with dad!)

 (I don't want to take a nap mom!!)

 

I'm working on my birth story post....for those who are interested....

Parker is sure keeping me busy during the day =)